Episode6: Relationship Myths and How They Affect Us
Today we explore the relationship myths that keep us in unhealthy relationship patterns. We take a look at how it impacts the music we listen to about love and phrases we use regularly to convey love. We learn how to unpack some of these ideas to increase awareness about the effects of our programming on our relationships.
[05:11] Dear Mr. McCartney
[10:22] My problematic Relationship Beliefs from My Manifesto
- Marriage is expected to last forever
- Marriage is only between one man and one woman
- Emotional connections outside the marriage with the opposite sex is frowned upon
- Marriage should meet all our needs
- Being married means you belong to your spouse
- Sex outside of marriage is wrong
- Jealousy and Self-sacrifice equals love
- Loving more than one person intimately is not possible
- Sexual Freedom is shameful and Slut shaming is OK
- Sex and Love are not mutually exclusive
- Setting Boundaries in your life is mean especially in marriage
[11:58] Problematic Phrases and Quotes
- You complete me
- You’re my everything
- I’m nothing without you
- You are the only one for me
- My other half
- All you need is love
- You own my heart
- “I don’t want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips, or be in your arms because that is my place.”
Why are they problematic?
How are they perceived?
Do we even notice that they are harmful? What is the undercurrent to these phrases?
[17:43] Toxic/Problematic Mono beliefs and rituals:
- Becoming One (it should not be a melded one or becoming one, but instead a united two) Eg. Unity candle (unity candle with two individual candles being blown out and lighting the unity candle), mixed sand, white wine/red wine,
- Concept of ownership in relationships
- Jealousy means love
- One Soul Mate
- No Sex Before Marriage (It’s wrong)
- Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together
- You should not have close guy friends (that’s dangerous)
- One person should meet all your needs
[31:28] Problematic Songs:
- How Do I Live Without You? -LeAnn Rimes
- I Have Nothing - Whitney Houston
- Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi
- You Are The Reason - Calum Scott
- When a Man Loves a Woman - Michael Bolton
- Someday My Prince Will Come - Snow White
[45:30] Mononormative Myths from Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships
- Romantic Love Is the Only Foundation for an Enduring Relationship
- You Need to Find a Soul Mate
- They Lived Happily Ever After
- Desiring Someone Else Is a Form of Infidelity
- Monogamy Is Natural, Evolutionarily Determined, Optimal, or Divinely Ordained
- There is a Right Way to Be Sexual
- Long-term Monogamous Relationships are the only real relationships
- Romantic Love is the Only Real Love
- Sexual Desire is a Destructive Force
- The Only Moral Way to Have Sex is Within a Committed Relationship
- Loving Someone Makes it Ok to Control Their Behaviour
- Jealousy is Inevitable and Impossible to Overcome
- Outside Involvements Reduce Intimacy in the Primary Relationship
- Love Conquers All
It's interesting that monogamy myths are so similar to Myths about sluts!
- Sex Positivity vs shame once again
How do we change our perception?
- Examine these myths
- Realise where they are harmful
- Make shifts to our programming
Do you find that your relationships have been affected by these myths and potentially harmful ideologies?
Are you ready to make changes?
Do you need to work at shifting your mindset?
Book a call with me and we can figure out a solution!